The thing that I'm learning about this breakup process is that you are likely to feel wildly intense, vastly varied emotions from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, thought to thought. You never know when the urge may strike to throw your phone through the car window. Or dump your cheetos on the woman eating lunch next to you, and just look at her. Today, I threw a temper tantrum in the frozen food section of Giant. Hours before, I was telling myself how much better off I was, how it would never have worked cause he hates Zach Braff and eats Doritos before bed. Fuckin jerk. Who the hell hates Scrubs? Its the best show on television. Only losers hate Zach Braff. And Doritos make you smell like Doritos for 12 hours on average. Ha! so silly I wasted my time! I was feeling great....or so I thought....
(In the 3rd grade, there was a boy who had Doritos every day for lunch, and he smelled of Dorito to the point that we could smell him on the way into the classroom. "Where's J_____??" sniff* sniff* "oh here he comes now". We called him Dorito Boy (we were so creative) and i'm sure we scarred him for life. If you're reading this, I'm sorry. Kids are cruel cruel smelly sticky bastards. And I hope you don't smell like Doritos anymore. ew.)
Anyway, As I sauntered the aisles of Giant, I reached the snack aisle. I saw huge bags of Doritos... and an unfamiliar rage started to build in my stomach. I walked past the Triscuts as the anger continued to rise. it felt like i had acid reflux..the kind you get after you gobble down a large pizza by yourself. I laughed at myself and kept pushing my cart. Crossing the cheeze Its and Tostitos, I felt the anger in my temples. The "What the fuck?' thoughts raced through my mind like downtown crackheads holding car radios. At this point in the tantrum, I was thinking about all the time and emotions I wasted. And how empty it left me. At the end of the snack aisle, I stopped in front of the frozen food section and tried furiously to knock over my grocery cart. Unfortunately, one wheel was broken, so it wobbled but didn't fall. Which probably made me look like even more of a douche to the old woman selecting packages of chicken legs (for dinner I assume). After overexerting myself straining to knock over the broken cart, I stopped. Kicked the shopping cart, caught my breath, and walked calmly past the elderly woman clutching a package of poultry to her bosom, staring in fear.
As I got in the car, I realized how crazy it is to pretend to be she-HULK and try and break a wobbly shopping cart in a local super market. It just doesn't really scream "stable well-adjusted woman". But I didn't care.
There's no logical rationalizations or slow motion montage where Zach Braff narrates the message of the episode.
Sometimes heartache makes you into a crazy person.
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