(Brought to you by the Letter H (H is for Headless and dead))
I have just finished my undergraduate career. I feel as though costumed midgets and fragrant acrobats should follow me flinging bits of confetti every so often. I haven't written in so long and my brain feels like it was raped (and not the good way). But I am determined to jump back on the horse (that's what she said). The blogging horse that is.
I have recently discovered Kermit the Frog. I knew him as a child, but i came across some of his songs on youtube and I'm afraid to say he melted my panties. Kermit the Frog is a sexy sexy muppet. He sings "It's not east being green" and i just wanted to scoop him up and stick him in my pants (notice is did not say pocket). Kermit is amazing, and think that everyone should take the time to look up his songs and allow him to take them away to a sexy muppet world where there are no problems and everyone is made of sexy felt.
If I lived on sesame street I would have a brownstone and big hair, and all I would do is sit on my stoop and sing rockin covers of awesome songs. I would need a guitar. (note to self. learn to play the guitar.) I would sing with duets with kermit (before doing him of course) and smoke with my man Snuff. Eat lots of icecream and pie. I would kick babies with grouch and perform tap dance numbers with pepe the shrimp. fuck man why can't the world be made of felt? I guess I would get bored on the sesame street. I would start to hate ms. Piggy's thirsty ass schemin on my man. The grouch would blow my life because he wouldn't want to do anything fun or cool (except for kicking babies). And he smells like soiled diapers and homeless man jizz. Big Bird...I'd probably kill Big Bird. He's big and creepy and he lurks. I'd make a thousand chicken quesadillas. Or a mountain of chicken patties. I could feed 3 African villages if I killed Big Bird. It would take a well thought out plan to kill him though. I'd have to gas him or shoot him. Maybe i could get Kermit to distract him with a sultry song while I creep behind him and choke him out. I would need all my sesame neighbors to help me feather him and cook him. I'm going to end this little daydream because plotting to kill Big Bird is probably high crime in sesame street. I'd probably get some years and then i'd be sexually harrassed and assraped by felt penises. Wait, I don't even know if muppets die. And if they do, where do they go after?
The point is that I'm back on the blog horse. Tommorow I will need help with something. THeres a guy on youtube and I can't figure out whether he's a gay or not. Investigation is necessary. Stay tuned love muffins (ew i fuckin hate b scott).
speaking of people I hate, I feel the need to begin a hit list of people I'd shoot if I wouldn't get time.
1. Big Bird
2. B. Scott
3. Plies
4. NV 69 (this would be a mercy murder)
5. Miss J from Tyra's Show
6. Tyra
8. Tyra's Show
I have more and I'll finish the list tomorrow. Im tired! night
